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My relationship with my mom had always been very candid, and so it was that even at that early age I developed an understanding of the perceptions many men had about divorced women: that they were available, desperate for any form of companionship – and even fundamentally loose-charactered (it being a major step in our society for a woman to leave her husband’s home, and therefore indicative that she was unconventional in her thinking = not a sweet, submissive Bharatiya naari = Westernised = unprincipled).
One of the first friends my mother made in the new colony was this slightly sad-faced lady (I’m not sure if she was like that from the very beginning or if I’ve ascribed those qualities to her retrospectively) who I’ll call Ritika aunty.
She told me once that she didn’t know anymore whether to laugh at a risqué joke told by a male friend, even if it was in his wife’s presence – because if another such incident ever occurred she might be accused of having brought it on herself by being over-familiar.
As tactfully as possible, she made it clear to her closest friends that she was more comfortable when they visited alone rather than with their husbands.
It makes it easier to understand why thousands of women in this country persist in sticking on in bad marriages. (It’s almost always a different dog – none of their pets lives very long because this isn’t a family of animal-lovers, they just keep getting dogs to fill the empty spaces in their lives.) She even drops in briefly once every few months but the friendship between her and my mum has never been the same since.
Oh well, it can sit here now.)I was nine when my parents separated and my mother and I moved into a new flat.You can also find more support to help you deal with the emotions you're feeling by visiting our section on coping with divorce, where life coach Gloria Swardenski addresses our reader's questions about reaching the decision to divorce, coping with a difficult ex, rebuilding your self-esteem, and more.We also have a section which answers the most common legal questions women ask, with answers provided by the legal expert, Brette Sember.Talk to other women who understand your unique situation. Pull up a chair and join the others as they talk about...To get started, you can read the existing posts or start a new conversation by clicking on "Start a new post" below.